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Smile Away the Miles
The Difference Between Men and Women Print E-mail
1. NICKNAMES:
If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will
call each other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.

But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a pint, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Useless.

2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in
$20, even though the bill is only for $22.50. None of them will
have anything smaller, and no one will actually admit they want change
back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he really wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't really want.

4. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items,
and would be afraid to REALLY know what they are for.

5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

7. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

8. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

9. DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty
the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings, funerals.

10. HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

11. LONG LIFE:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a
lot more willing to die.

12. MISTAKES:
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

13. NATURAL:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

14. OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, and
favourite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely
aware of some short people living in the house.

15. UNDERSTANDING:

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman,
before marriage and after marriage.
 
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